There is this motto that takes up space not only in my mind but in my everyday life. I use it both personally and professionally to support others and remind them that even when things feel like they cannot get any worse, sometimes it’s those moments that catapult us into what was meant for us. It is the catalyst for our evolution.
“Sometimes gifts are wrapped in shitty wrapping paper.”
I have experienced this several times throughout my life. Through the demise of relationships or the ending of jobs, trauma experiences, or even a pandemic. I have had really shitty things happen, but also I often look back on those times with gratitude because they got me where I am today.
I remember sitting in a classroom. It had to have held over 400 students. We had a teacher that stood on stage at the head of the class and talked about the prevalence of rape and drew attention to stereotypes of rape and its inconsistencies with how it is commonly experienced on college campuses. While other students were writing down information, and other students were filling the uncomfortable air with poorly timed jokes and awkward giggles I was experiencing my very first panic attack. See the teacher did more than educate us about sexuality, his example of rape on college campuses was a carbon copy of my own sexual assault at 14 years old. Until that moment I had never thought what happened was sexual assault. I walked out of that class that day, straight into one of my worst depressive episodes that lasted several months. I was isolated, barely eating, not going to school, or completing work. It actually got so bad a day I was able to peel myself out of bed and go class my teacher out of concern, locked me in a classroom and wouldn’t let me leave until I called for help.
Honestly, that teacher probably saved my life.
That was the moment that I was introduced to therapy. It was such a transformative experience. I learned about myself, how to love myself, and how to better love others. Following the experiences I had in therapy, I decided from there on out I wanted to give others the same gift of life that my therapist gave me. Today I sit, 6 years into social work and after over a year of my own private practice work meeting with others and helping them live a life that feels good. I often look back at that experience in that classroom as a gift that was wrapped in shitty wrapping paper. While I did struggle at times, made many mistakes, and had some setbacks, I will always look back at that difficult memory as a gift because it has led me to where I am today.
While I understand that not every situation can be applied to this motto, I do still hold close to this idea. Similar to the lotus flower, painting the cracks of broken china gold or nights being darkest before the dawn, I find this motto can build resilience and give the grace and space to move forward. Those things that really make us who we are. It can remind us that we have strength, agency, and choice. It instills within us the idea that we have agency over how our future looks and what it holds.
I ask you to spend some time asking yourself. What is a gift that you got that was wrapped in the shitty wrapping paper? What bad experiences propelled you into a better version of yourself?
ashpapzs 